I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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