we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
