Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
