I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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