i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
