Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
