I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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