i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize