you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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