You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I am morally bankrupt
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize