I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
