well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
