1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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