Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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