For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God, I missed his penis.
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