the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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