you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
