dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
