Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
