Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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