never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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