I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize