That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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