She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
