Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
