I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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