My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
