The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
