I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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