Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
