Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
