He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
