"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
His nipple licking is glorious
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