it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
