there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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