Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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