I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
