There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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