Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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