Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
