I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
