You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
