I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
