I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My life is pants optional.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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