if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
