barbara walters just said penis...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
