best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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