...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
