Yo dont text me then not text me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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