It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
