I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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