So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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