As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
