Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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