I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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