Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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