His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
