i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
time to smoke my breakfast
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
