Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
