worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
