If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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