covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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