I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
