Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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