I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize