I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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