Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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