Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
