dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize