if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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