Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
