What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
