you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am in a vortex of obligation.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
