the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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