you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What a dumb baby whore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
