dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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