He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
