ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize