My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
