Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
