her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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