last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
