I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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