my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize