guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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