i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
