giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
