So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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