In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
