There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
