just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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