____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
