i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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