Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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